Speech distractions: The Little Bag

 

By Dave Lieber

Fort Worth Star-Telegram columnist

http://www.yankeecowboy.com

 

  The crinkling little bag got to me, stopped me mid-speech like a freight train at a railroad crossing. I couldn’t go on.

   Talking to a group of women in Garland the other night, I stopped and said, “I can’t talk with that bag.” Then my mind went black.

   Everyone in the audience looked at the offender sitting in the back with a Wal-Mart plastic sack. She was trying to undo a knot. The more she messed with the knot, the louder that crinkling noise became.

   Then she put the knot in her mouth and tried to undo it with her teeth. It was like six cell phones going off at the same time. No one was listening to me anymore.

   “I can’t talk with that bag.”

   Everyone looked at me, then at her. She smiled and put the bag down.

   “Where was I?”

   *

   At the end of the talk, I made a joke referring back to the bag. Let everyone know I was OK. We were OK. There was a nod of relief from audience members.

   And when Bag Lady came up afterward to apologize, I laughed and said I wasn’t angry at all. I gave her a gift and we hugged. All’s well that ends well.

   *

   In the parking lot, she came back over and said, “You’re a very good speaker.”

   “Yeah,” I replied, “but if I were a pro, I would have been able to talk right through that plastic bag in your mouth.”

   She answered: “That’s right!”

   *

   Fifteen minutes later in the car, I finally figured out what I should have said:

    “Ma’am, excuse me but do you need any help with that bag?”

   Yeah, it’s about them, not us — even in the dumbest circumstances.

   *

   How do you handle a ringing cell phone or other distractions in the middle of your talk? Do you ignore it? Do you make a joke? If so, what kind?

   Send me an e-mail to dave@yankeecowboy.com. Maybe we can share your answers in this space.

   *

   Once when Patricia Fripp was interrupted, she said, “Gentlemen, you may not realize it, but I’m usually paid very well to speak. I also have a business in San Francisco waiting for my time. When people pay you to speak, they treat you very well. You’ve taught me that when you speak for nothing, you have to put up with people talking through your presentation. I’ll be happy to leave right now and go take care of my business. I’ll also be happy to stay and finish my speech, but if I do, you will have to shut up and listen!”